how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
