mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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