party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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