Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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