Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
