im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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