I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
