It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
