Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
