Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
