There is no way he is gay with that hair.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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