Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
