Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
