listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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