I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
