she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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