remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
