my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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