Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
