I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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