So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
