someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
