Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
