So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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