I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
