I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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