i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just googled if crying burns calories
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
