let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
