I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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