It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to calm my uterus...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
