i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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