Nicole vs. Life
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She needs sedatives and a leash
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
