I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
please come you make the beer taste better
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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