Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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