problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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