I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
