Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is the high leading the old right now
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
