dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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