I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
as a side note pls kill me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
