It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
