he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
