2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
