Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You took a bar mat shot.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
