she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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