i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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