And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
