Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
