Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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