kristin has been a bad kristin
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
