Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
