I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
