OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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