Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
