Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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