While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
