I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am mentally ready for anal.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
