16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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