found the other keg... it's in the tree
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
