singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
