i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Randomize
